19 Types Of People At The Airport

The airport is an unpleasant place - it’s dirty, loud, uncomfortable, and you’re usually stuck there hours longer than planned. Making things worse are the people that surround you. Many of them exist in their own little airport bubbles, not caring or realizing how they appear to the rest of the world.

 Coughy Cough

 This is the passenger who sneezes or coughs without covering his mouth. To me this is one of the worst. We all know that sometimes we are forced to travel when we are not 100 percent but, please, let’s all practice proper hygiene. I recently flew as a passenger and the person behind me sneezed and coughed the entire time without once covering her mouth — even after I turned around and asked her to. By the end of the flight, the back of my head was damp. Needless to say, I caught a cold soon afterwards.

Disney Family

These families are 2-faced at the airport, depending on whether they’re coming back or going on vacation. The coming back group is sedated and asleep, but the outgoing family is a ball of annoying energy. If seated near the Disney-bound family, keep your distance and make sure you have noise canceling head phones.



Bluetooth Jones

This is the man with the hidden cell-phone device in his ear. When he speaks directly at you, causing you to utter some polite but confused reply, he points to his cell phone and frowns at you as if you are the idiot. This is also the guy who broadcasts unwanted details of his conversation to the entire gate area.



 Mr./Ms. Selective Hearing

Minutes after the desk representative announces that they won’t have more information for another 15 minutes, this person storms up and demands more information.


I’m Boarding Before You (or not)

There’s 2 types of this character:
“I fly a lot or have so much money that I have a special roped off line to board the plane first. That’s right, not only do I board before you, but I can’t walk through the same line as you commoners.”
“First! Not only am I that person when commenting on the internet, but I take pride in being the first person from Group 4 to board.”


Tubby 2 Seat

As soon as you see this guy waiting at your gate, you cross your fingers that he won’t have the seat next to you. No one likes spillover rolls on their leg or armrest.


J-Lo

“I’m so comfortable! Feel how soft my pants are! Don’t touch me you creep.” 

J-Lo is all about wearing her fashionable pajamas in public, likely paired with Uggs, a Starbucks latte, and plenty of annoying chatter.


We’re So In Love!

“We live together but let’s PDA like we haven’t seen each other in months! Let’s go play Idaho Senator in the bathroom! We’re going to make sure everyone in this place knows how much we do it. A lot. Nothing in this world matters to me except you and our matching outfits. I’m so lost in your eyes, I don’t even care if my muffin top becomes exposed.”


Airport Dad

Airport Dad is signified by his official travel uniform - jeans and a sport coat.



VP of Business Importance

“I just came from a very important business meeting. I exchanged many business cards. My laptop can fit in a manila envelope. Of course I’m in first class. Don’t make eye contact with me. I went to business school. No, my facial expression will never change, people need to know how focused I am on this spreadsheet.”


The line moron

This clueless individual holds up the line through sheer inattention. Here’s an example: In a 20-person line at Starbucks, with enough time to memorize the menu, the line moron waits until he gets to the register to begin thinking about what he wants to order. After he changes his mind a couple of times, the people behind him, who desperately need a caffeine jolt, are contemplating strangulation.


The stop-and-starters

 These folks are guilty of what is called in the airline world “pulling a Christopher Columbus.” They are the people who, in a busy airport, feel a need to stop on every whim - oblivious to the people walking behind them. Whether it is to check for their passport, window-shop at the novelty store, or look at the departure monitors from 20 yards away, these airport cruisers will come to a sudden and complete stop. Then, as you try to go around them, they start walking again and you have to stop, thus creating a chain reaction of stop-and-go traffic.


The hurry-up-and-wait agent 

Your flight is late because of a late inbound aircraft, but when it is finally ready for boarding, the gate agent hurries all the passengers aboard as if they are to blame for the delay. Then the aircraft sits at the gate for 20 minutes while the baggage handlers board all the luggage … and parcels … and crated cats and dogs.


The security buffoon 

This is the person who ignores all the instructions on how to get through security smoothly. He keeps his laptop in his bag when it goes through the X-ray machine, has a liter of water with him, and is surprised when his cell phone goes off in the metal detector. Who suffers? Everyone behind him in line.


The foot-stink neighbor

 This is the guy who takes off his shoes in the middle of the flight and, even though he knows that the smell is paralyzing, ignores the stink or even jokes about it. If this happens to you, feel free to either pass the hint to this person or tell a flight attendant. We are not normally the stink patrol, but I have insisted to more than one passenger that if he didn’t put his shoes back on, I would have the authorities meet the flight. Same goes for nail polish and products like Vicks VapoRub, Bengay and smelly carry-on food.


The water guzzler 

Now, we all know that drinking water is very healthy and I encourage everyone to do so. But the passenger I am speaking of drinks several gallons of water in flight, insists on sitting next to the window, and has a bladder the size of a peanut. If this describes you, at least offer to switch seats with the person on the aisle.


The stacker

 This passenger stacks all his newspapers, snack wrappers, used Kleenex and empty beverage containers on one meal tray and hands it to the flight attendant. When the mountain of garbage unfolds like an accordion all over the passengers nearby, he looks at the flight attendant like it’s her fault.


The strategic complainer

 This is the passenger who is angling for an upgrade, a free drink or some other sort of compensation. He has a complaint about every aspect of the flight — seat size, connecting flights, boarding hassles, air quality, you name it - and he won’t stop until he gets some kind of freebie. Unfortunately, these people are the ones who often do get compensated, while the kind, patient and courteous passengers don’t.



The late arrival

 This is the passenger who somehow remembers to check in his bags but then forgets about his flight. Gate agents page him at every terminal, and when he does not respond, are forced to remove his bags. The problem is that it takes about 30 minutes to locate luggage in the cargo hold, and the errant passenger usually shows up after 15 minutes. Biggest excuse? “I was in the duty-free shop and lost track of time.” Really? You show up three hours prior to departure and it flies by just like that?