The Sheer Hilarity of “China English”

Anyone who has ever been to China is well aware of the prodigious effort it takes to decipher the myriad street, retail and attraction signs. China has gone to tremendous lengths to make the country more tourist-friendly, with notable strides made. Still, somebody somewhere in the PRC government needs to take a stand and demand more stringent translation standards.

Of course, if signs all over China were suddenly made legible to English readers, we would be robbed of one truly remarkable source of hilarity across the cultural divide. With that in mind, check out some of the most ludicrous examples of “China English”.

Street sign in Shanghai

This sign makes one major but generous assumption. To categorize everyone as polite is a big leap. To then essentially beg them to hang out on the curb until the green light is too precious.

Sign in Gyantse, China

Who smells a lawsuit? You can never rely on common sense to prevail, so for the love of God, someone needs to give this sign a second look.


 Supermarket sign

We see a coffee cup. Then this: “Time Sex”. What? Look, sometimes you can read between the lines in China. Clearly not in this case however.


 Chairs in Chengdu airport

If you’re not pregnant and even dare to take a load off in the Chengdu airport, what kind of looks will you get when you stand up? It seems like unless you’re over 90 and suffer from severe arthritis or intestinal flu, you may want to lean on a post. Boy, signs are sure direct in China! How about a pictogram?


 Hotel car park sign in Tsinghua, Beijing

This entire sign is a total mess. Fence department? War enter the car park? Man. You may want to avoid this hotel in Beijing if you have a rental.



Menu in Nanjing restaurant

If menus have the ability to whet your appetite, they also have the ability to destroy it and make your stomach lurch. Not to suggest that the food at this Nanjing restaurant will make you ralph, but the menu is certainly no help. Who wants “Food with Ferrouranium”?


Sign outside Beijing airport

We knew China was more progressive than ever but this is ridiculous. A car park specifically to get off? Is there not a dearth of open space in urban China? What a sweet and generous gesture by the Beijing government!


Random bathroom sign, take one

In the “funny because it’s true” department, this sign takes it to another level. While yes, clearly, it is better to step closer to the urinal for a variety of reasons, is this a point of etiquette officials in China need to inform the male public about?


 Random bathroom sign, take two

Probably adjacent to the previous sign, this one is a little more philosophical in nature. This is where we poke fun at how different China is from our country, where you would never see a sign like this, unless it was intentionally hilarious. The fact of the matter is that in this case, the sign is meant to be serious. We just don’t get it.


Incomprehensible store sign

This sign is a complete and total puzzlement. Another example that if we had some knowledge of Chinese characters, we could indentify the horrendous mistake. Obviously, nobody’s “skin” has to sweep a damn thing. But then again, why even bother to point that out? Does the store have a problem with people being disrespectful of Uncle John’s efforts to maintain order and keep a tidy floor? We need to know!


Unusual product sign in Hangzhou

Add another product to a long list of foods we probably do not want to eat in China. First of all, we get enough bran in our diet. But even more importantly, we want to stave off cyclones, not incite them.



 Unfortunate pool room sign in Tianjin

Really, this sign speaks for itself. We wonder if regular Chinese patrons are constantly confused as to why more Western tourists don’t stop by to shoot some pool.



Tianjin restaurant menu

We adore Chinese food, despite previous sarcastic remarks to the contrary. Not the overly sweet and fatty Western version however, but the real deal. The authentic stuff. Of course, no other delicacy can compare to the sensorial delights of ”panfried dork chop with watnut sauce”. As every good chef knows, the chop is the best cut of the dork.



 Commuter train sign

We know China has a somewhat shady reputation for treatment of the mentally ill. This sign provides visitors with some insight into where the country stands. No “psychotic and dementia”? What? First of all, we’re not even sure the aforementioned groups would be aware of their conditions and heed the sign. Second of all, how would train officials even know?



Coffeeshop menu in Jinan

Intent to capitalize on the trend of coffeeshops worldwide, China has gone mad for the beverage. This coffeeshop however, seems to be a little lost. We prefer our coffee without iron, thank you very much.


Suzhou restaurant menu

Apparently, the presence of the “f” word on signs all over China is rather normal. A recurrent problem with translation from characters to English it seems. Be that as it may, we will probably pass on the eggplant at this restaurant in Suzhou.



 Funny warning sign

Maybe they should change this sign to read: “If you’re close enough to read this sign, run for your life!” We would rather not notice a deadly rockslide, though we appreciate the offer to do so.



Sign in Tianjin

In another unfortunate sexual reference, this sign on Tianjin’s boardwalk will probably lead to many arrests. At least if you follow the directions however, you won’t get crushed to death by a rockslide.



Great Wall of China sign

So much to talk about with this phenomenal Great Wall of China sign. First of all, this line: “Don’t run and pushes to pash violently and the laugh and frolic.” Nice. Good advice. But then this gem: “Old man and children must have been accompanied and leaded by their parents.”

Old men have parents in China? But hey, wouldn’t that make them really, really old?


Restaurant menu in Tianjin

Last but not least, the cream of the crop. “Wood should be meat”! Really? Should it? Maybe for beavers but holy cow, for humans. Waiter, please hold the cedar chips … thanks.